Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
