Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
