Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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