oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
