So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
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At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
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Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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