i don't like sucking hair
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
