I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
