I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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