New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.