I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My breasts were aching with rage.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school