you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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