when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dating After Heartbreak
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there