somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
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Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
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Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead