If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
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You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
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Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them