i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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