Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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