The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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