people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
