man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He did a backflip because drugs
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
