I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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