i permit you to call me
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
