she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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