You smell like a Billy Joel song
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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