have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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