Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
