My balls are so social today.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
