Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize