Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
