arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Everything about him screamed your future.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
