She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize