I just cut my nipple shaving
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She bit a glass in half.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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