Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize