i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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