3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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