He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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