Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
