1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
