you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
