I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
