I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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