Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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