So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
