we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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