The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
