Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
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I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
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We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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