Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
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i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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