i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
