somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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