i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
