i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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