I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
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you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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