Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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