I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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