i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
