My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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