the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
