the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
