i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
