On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
high people should be assigned attendants
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
