Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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